A TEST OF LOVE ...
Every person in his life can meet true love, his soul mate. This can happen in kindergarten, at school, at work, and even on the other side of the earth. The main thing is that the feelings are mutual, and love grows stronger every day. Sometimes, unforeseen obstacles can arise in the way of lovers, and this is where true feelings manifest themselves. Overcoming all the trials together, the lovers, thereby, strengthen their love for each other. So, one couple in love had to overcome many difficulties on the way to their happiness. She is from Russia, he is from Turkey. We met through the Internet at the end of 2007, on the website MarryMeCity.com. At first they corresponded by e-mail, then they began to call each other, and after a while the young man invited the girl to visit him. Having been in Turkey, the girl was able to get to know him better, and during her stay she realized that she wanted to see this person as her husband, because she loved him with all her heart and soul. He reciprocated her, he liked her immediately, at the very moment he saw her photo on a dating site. It was then that he realized that he had found the girl of his dreams. She also met his mother. Since his father died long ago, his mother raised her son alone. And therefore, besides him, she had no one closer, and when a young girl appeared on the horizon, and even from abroad, her mother opposed. She did not think that her son would marry (and the young had already firmly decided to tie their destinies together) to a foreigner. His mother never gave her consent to the wedding, arguing that this girl from the Russian outback is an ordinary hunter for a rich groom. He had a great job, he was moving up the career ladder with rather broad steps, so their family prospered and did not know the need for anything. And, as a result, he was a "tidbit" for foreign swindlers. Of course, such a position on the part of his mother was very discouraging for the young. The girl was very worried, as she was accused unfairly, because she sincerely loved her chosen one. And she understood that he could not go against the will of his mother, although he loved the girl no less than his mother. But, nevertheless, his mother was a wise woman, and although she expressed her dissatisfaction with her son's bride, all the same, she looked at her. As a result, she began to realize that she was wrong in her accusations. In conversations, the girl never argued with her elders, but at the same time she gently defended her point of view if she believed that the interlocutor was wrong. She always strove to help the servants (either she would wash the dishes, or water the flowers in the garden), and to the dumb questioning looks of the servants she modestly answered that she was not used to sitting idle, and plus everything, she was not smart that an elderly woman (the servants in that house, mostly , was elderly) sweeps the floor, and she sits at the TV. Moreover, her behavior was not feigned, it was clear that the girl was actually trying to be useful. And most importantly, it was clear how these two love each other. In their every gesture, in every word and look, genuine love for each other was read. And one fine day, when the son again, as if by chance, started a conversation that it was time for him to get married, his mother did not argue with him, but simply blessed him to marry this girl. Is it necessary to describe how much joy the young people experienced at that moment! The wedding was not long in coming, the girl moved to live in Turkey, to her husband. This test helped them understand how dear their love is to them, because the path to joint happiness was not easy!
---How do Muslim husbands in Cape Town treat their wives? About what kind of husbands are there? ... And about the position of a woman in the Teachings of Islam. Dear girls, women. Many of us have heard and read more than once, watched on TV about the happy and not so happy stories of the marriage of our compatriots and their moving abroad. Usually they talk about the USA and Europe. And, for sure, few of you have heard or read this about South Africa. And not by chance. Usually those who ended up here are in no hurry to share their impressions and, for some reason, generally try not to communicate with their compatriots without special need. So to speak, they completely merge into local life and happily dissolve in it. It is, however, understandable.
It is enough to recall the unfortunate lonely faces of our women - moreover, beauties, smart girls, intellectuals, kind, decent, sincere and, for all that, very lonely. My heart bleeds when I once again find myself in St. Petersburg or with friends in Moscow and, sometimes for the sake of interest or for the speed of movement - just remember our Russian traffic jams - I go to the subway.
The sadness of loneliness and longing is literally drawn on so many faces, regardless of age. I have several friends who also married foreigners. Just like myself, by the way. Who - where! Lucky fate scattered us around the world. One of my friends ended up in Egypt. She married a translator. She is quite satisfied, but she does not particularly talk about her life-being. Another - to Bahrain for a former student who studied in Moscow. She got lucky too. The husband turned out to be a very decent person. Now they have two children, but she decided to continue her career. Works and studies. The husband does not interfere. Moreover, her mother periodically flies to visit them. But in the Arab countries, such luck, let's say right away, is not a pattern, so it's better not to flatter yourself. Some countries have very strict laws, especially Saudi Arabia. And there, by your own naivety, you can either be a second wife, or live under strict house arrest. Oddly enough, many of our compatriots even do this consciously, just to have a family and children. And now for brighter facts. The third friend went to marry in Holland. Very satisfied.
Even more. The husband turned out to be a wonderful person. He loves her very much. She has been married for over 11 years, they have common children. They come to Russia regularly, about once a year and a half. There she lives in a three-story mansion, all the amenities and comfort, a loving husband who takes care of her. Both of them are people of high moral standards. Everything about them is like in a fairy tale. And I got married in South Africa, and then a few of my girlfriends too. Acquaintance, so to speak. Later, through the Internet, we met other Russian women who are also married to locals here. Moreover, all the locals, except for one, are Muslim modern men. It is Men with a capital letter, Husbands with a capital letter! Unlike husbands in the USA and Europe, I also emphasize, often good husbands. Here, almost any self-respecting Muslim husband necessarily provides his wife with a housekeeper. Of course, in South Africa, the services of a housekeeper do not cost such big money. And plus - it's so ACCEPTED.
This is in their culture and is brought up with the milk of a mother who also had and still has a housekeeper. Moreover, in South Africa they are of two types: coming (twice a week) or living together. To whom it is more convenient and to whom, as far as finances allow. One way or another, this is a huge HELP to the wife, and thanks to this, it is not surprising that here the Muslim wife feels at home as it should be in Islam - the Queen of the house. And not at all a "free" servant or unpaid houseworker, as almost everywhere. Moreover, it will probably be strange for you to find out about such an attitude towards a woman in South Africa in wealthy circles. Even, for example, from personal practice I can say that on the very first visit to the doctor, the first question of the doctor was addressed not to me, but to my husband. And I myself was shocked by his question, although I already know the respectful attitude towards wives in this country.
The doctor was a Muslim whom we saw for the first time in our lives. He asked my husband, "How many times a day do you tell your wife that you love her?" The husband honestly answered that he did not remember exactly how much, but obviously every day. Which is pure truth! And my husband's friends also always ask me, of course, in the presence of my husband, whether he takes good care of me, whether he read how to change diapers for a child, whether he helps me in everything. And they remind him to take good care of me (they always talked about this, even before pregnancy) and added that if something was wrong, I should complain to them.
Which, of course, is pleasant, but it is already becoming habitual. For a Russian woman who was here for the first time, this would undoubtedly cut her ears. In South Africa, it is not uncommon that a husband, even after many years of marriage, builds his wife's hair, makes her jewelry, goes shopping and even orders for her clothes and underwear on the Internet, sometimes according to her own design, etc. And this is not something shameful, rather the opposite, she is happy to share this with others in his presence, and he smiles modestly. And not surprisingly, local Muslims are well aware of the hadiths and live by them. But it is said in the hadiths that “the best of you are those who treat your wife best” and “if a husband feeds his wife from his hands (puts pieces of food in her mouth), then a good deed is recorded for each piece ... In general, many more individual articles could be written on this topic.
Without overloading the reader's attention, I would like to add that here it is allowed to take license plates for a car from letters. And husbands often take the license plate from their wife's name. Or, those who are engaged in their business, call the business after her. Of course, there are wives from Russia and the CIS countries, and they are treated like princesses.
From the comments: Yes, it's a different planet. This does not happen on our planet. Remember, we had a cartoon: "Honey, I'll take you to the stars + and in the end she sits in the kitchen and cleans the pan. And so every time. He promises her something, but ends with her again sitting and cleaning the pan. And he never led me to the stars...~~~Muslim women in Cape Town, alhamdulillah, are highly respected, as it should be in TRUE ISLAM, their husbands take care of them and highly appreciate them. in words - almost every husband provides his wife with a housekeeper. As a result, a woman has more time for personal development, education, career, and for her husband, family and children. Families often go to restaurants, exhibitions, lead a cultural lifestyle, of course, For special celebrations, like a wedding anniversary and so on, many husbands book seats in respectable restaurants in advance, where even (believe me, this is not uncommon, but the norm in Cape Town!) They sing songs for their wife and thank everyone on stage her for happy years spent together and give gifts and flowers. And they regularly take them to luxurious resorts (fortunately, the weather conditions of South Africa, depending on the city, allow you to stay in the “summer season” almost all year round. ~~~
Friday care for Muslim WOMEN in South Africa (Cape Town) Moreover, on Fridays, after Friday Namaz-Juma prayers, many mosques sell delicious freshly prepared food.This tradition has many advantages, including the fact that the collection of proceeds from the sale goes to charity and the needs of the mosque, and, very importantly, and SHOULD be taken into account for the future of the Muslims of Russia and other countries, this is done with care for women, gives them the opportunity to come to the mosque and get Islamic knowledge, listen to a lecture and pray in a team instead of vegetating in the kitchen, spending the precious hours of the blessed Friday day JUMA on cooking.In some small regional mosques, this idea was implemented even more interesting: they make a queue on paper for permanent musalli (those who constantly comes to this mosque) and families take turns preparing food for sale for this mosque. Moreover, food, this food is prepared with the intent for charity, for the needy, for the needs of education in the madrasah at the mosque. The money again goes to the fund for those in need and for the improvement of this mosque. And in the first place, this again shows concern for the WOMAN - they are given a great opportunity to increase their stock of knowledge and improve their Iman, being on a Friday sermon. Since each family usually cooks “in turn” no more than 1-2 times a year (and on these days of “turn” she asks her relatives to help her with cooking or her husband completely frees her from worries about food and orders food preparation in restaurants or high-quality halal cafeterias), while the rest of Fridays a woman is free and can safely come to the mosque without worrying “what to cook for lunch”.
MUSLIM CULTURE IN KEYTOWN
In general, the mood and culture of Cape Muslims very often makes a woman completely forget about the kitchen. Cape Town Muslims love to eat in cafeterias and restaurants, especially on weekends. Any self-respecting restaurant establishment acquires a Halal certificate and follows Halal standards. And this is not surprising - Muslims usually make up 60-80 percent of the total number of clients. There will be no halal food - therefore, the business of this cafe (restaurant) will go down sharply and the institution will be at a loss in the shortest possible time. -------------- About the position of women in the Teachings of Islam Of course, not very pleasant, if a husband who feels it is 'unfair to him' tries to accept his wife's earnings as part of the family's total income and then complains that when he gets home from work first, he has to light the stove, put on the kettle! Sure, if the wife returns before the husband, she will have to enter the dark house, but it is more natural for her to take it for granted.
To some extent, today's society is no longer considered 'this is how it should be', where women are increasingly joining men as part of the country's workforce. This must be recognized. The correct Islamic attitude is to seek the best solution without insisting on any set of rules that may disappoint one of the spouses or cause unjust suffering. This means that sometimes the husband may be able to accept the situation with firmness, or the wife may be able to agree that it is best for their marriage if she works part-time, if it creates tension in the marriage. Everything should be discussed honestly and openly. Obviously, it would not be right to expect a woman with a higher education to sit at home all day, wasting her talent and abilities, doing only household chores. The truth is that in many Muslim communities there is a serious number of unemployed, and the main flow of women into the labor market will not do much good and leave the family without even one breadwinner, let alone two. It is also true that the Muslim world is in dire need of female doctors, nannies, teachers, and so on, and women go through considerable hardship in order to be educated and provide their knowledge to society in the same way that men do. The sad facts of complete ignorance of Islam, namely what happens sometimes in some Islamic countries - the selfishness and narrow-mindedness of men is gross ignorance and contrary to common sense and the very teachings of the Prophet (peace be upon him), when they unlawfully deprive the society of talented and dedicated women, expecting from them, so that they limit themselves to only the house. In doing so, the behavior of those misguided men who take their wives' abilities for granted and limit their possible development is contrary to true Islam.
Such a barbaric approach of ignorant people creates a completely opposite image of this Luminous Teaching, disgraces Islam as a whole, is very regrettable and is a tragedy for society. On the other hand, there are many women who cannot cope with limiting themselves to only household chores and staying at home with children, they just want to go to work to do something else, communicate with other people, and receive a little financial reward. A Muslim man must realize the fact that he is a happy person if his wife voluntarily chooses to be at home, devoting all her time and attention to the family - him and the children and the house. He should consider it a blessing and value it as a special treasure bestowed upon him. In many Muslim communities, it is considered common practice for a married woman to devote her entire life in this way, and if one travels extensively from one Muslim country to another, one may observe the lives of Muslim women and realize how much of a burden and boredom that binds the lives of many women. The first wife of the Prophet, Hadiya, worked at first, while his wife's cousin, Zainab, continued to work and got married. She made and sold excellent leather shoes and the Prophet was very pleased with her work. When the Teachings of Islam were spreading, over 1400 years ago, the women around the Prophet participated in public service, spoke out about social inequality, and often participated in decision-making. This continued throughout the golden age of Islamic civilization, when the woman occupied a much more central role in society than even today.
At that time, there were educational institutions like the Saqlatuniya Academy in Cairo that provided higher education for women, and the staff consisted of female professors.
The biographical dictionaries of the theologians of the great hadiths of the Middle Ages of Islam reveal to us that about six theologians of the hadiths were women. Historians today also admire the main role of women in the economy of the Middle Ages, this was possible due to the fact that Islamic law revealed something that was not available to women before Islam, namely, Islam gave women the right to own property and dispose of property independently. from her husband. You will be surprised to know that such a law was introduced in the West only at the beginning of the twentieth century. But one cannot deny the fact that over the past three hundred years of our history, women have lost this position to a greater extent. So, by revealing all these facts of history, it is our responsibility to try to revive the classical Muslim traditions in this important area. All this reminds us that true submission to God in Islam means that each person should do his best, using his talents and abilities for to bring good to society. If a Muslim woman becomes involved in work, then she has an additional responsibility so that the house and family do not suffer. Every Muslim woman should be able to find the best way to carry out her duties and every Muslim man, taking this into account, should be supportive, sympathetic and ready to join and help when required. The Sunnah of the Holy Prophet about this was revealed by his wife Aisha. In a hadith from Bukhari, it is said that when they asked her what he did in the house, she answered that he helped his wives in their housework until it was time for him to leave to lead prayers. As a real man and the leader of the Islamic nation, helping his wives, he did not consider it as something degrading to a man. If the wife spends her time on household chores, then the husband should appreciate her dedication, and give her enough time and his attention as a reward for her efforts. He must be attentive, notice what she did, show interest in it. It is absolutely wrong and even more insulting to take everything for granted, offending the efforts of the wife, taking everything simply for granted. There is also no doubt that a good Muslim husband will not cause distress to his wife by leaving home in his spare time without a good reason, or tumble home to eat quickly and run away to friends while spending time in their company (even in the mosque) thus leaving the wife to spend the evening alone when she hoped that her husband would share time with her. In many societies it is commonplace 'blindness' to believe that those who earn money are 'working' and those who are at home are not. True Muslims should never forget that the money they earn, brought into the family, is earned by common efforts; if husbands consider themselves the sole breadwinners of the family, earning a livelihood, then let them calculate how much it would cost them if, having lost their wives, they had to hire a purchasing agent, a cook, a kitchen helper, a cleaner, a housekeeper, a decorator, a nanny, hire a driver to deliver children and so on.
Usually, wives help to avoid many expenses, they themselves do such work - no doubt, this is a help! If the wife works somewhere, no doubt, additional care and organization of household chores will be required so that the house is not in disarray. This means that a husband is expected to do more housework than he would like to do - and, in fairness, if a woman works all day like a man, then he is considered a bad Muslim if he does not take a fair part in household chores. Some Muslim men need to be reminded that different fatwas (official statements of religious laws) on responsibility for household chores may vary slightly depending on the madhhabs. But, for example, the position of the Shafi’i classical school is quite clear: “It is not the duty of a woman to serve her husband by only baking, grinding flour, cooking, washing or doing other work, just because they are tied marriage contract, her main duties are only to allow her to be enjoyed sexually, and she is not obliged to do other things besides this.” (Prop from the Nomads, translated by Keller, p. 948)
If a man cannot do his part of the work, then if a woman goes to work, they must be hired to help with the housework: cleaners, gardeners, nannies for children. A good organization of work must be done. A Muslim wife who allows disorder in the house because she earns money will be in a difficult position; but the responsibility to keep order in the house lies with both, both the husband and the wife. It is also unacceptable for a wife to be tired in dissatisfaction with an unsympathetic husband.
The path of Islam is the path of love and respect and selfless participation. The other is the welcoming aspect, in the generous reception of guests, this is considered an important Islamic duty.
In Islam, a guest does not need an invitation, even to come and live for a few days, but it is certainly considered good manners for the guest to give advance notice of their arrival. When guests arrive, Muslims should be hospitable and generous, not expecting to receive the same reception in return. As for guests, you cannot know who God will send you and for what reason, so you must always be ready to receive anyone, no matter how humble a guest may be, or how uncomfortable that moment may be for you—your home must always be ready to receive. In order for this to be so, everything must be well organized, thoughtful and caring.